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Why I'm Taking a Gap Year

Photo by Brandon Mattingly

Let's start at the beginning of senior year. I was excited to not only be a senior, but I knew college was right around the corner. I knew exactly want I wanted to study in college which was musical theatre or theatre and I also knew what school I wanted to go to which was a very selective university in Southern California. I'd say I was off to a pretty good start. I had a plan, I was having fun with friends, and I thought the whole process of applying to college was going to be smooth.

But, I'll be honest. I was one of those students completely confused and overwhelmed by the admissions and financial aid process. How do you fill out the FAFSA (and how do even pronounce it??) and how are the colleges I'm applying to going to receive my SAT scores? I know the answer to these questions like the back of my hand now, but it was all new to me back then.

With all that being said, I was severely strained for the first semester of my senior year. Senior year was definitely not a blow off year ( but it is a ton of fun ;) ). I was trying to balance studying for the SAT, trying to get straight A's, being active in my internship, and being active in clubs and community service. Not to mention I had no energy to even complete these tasks. Also, because I was applying as a fine arts major, I had to get prescreens and auditions together. My room was always trashed and I would wake up in the middle of the night with panic attacks because of the stress of my grades and SAT scores. I knew that if I wanted to get into a more selective school my scores had to be solid, but I couldn't seem to raise my math score and it was on my mind constantly. I studied for hours every day but it was hard to see any improvement. Can anybody relate?

Once it was all over I thought about how crazy it had all been and that there's gotta be more to life than stressing about school. However, as crazy as it may sound I wanted to do it all over again because I knew what to expect and how to make that applying process more fluid and not stressful. I didn't get to put 100 percent into my applications and auditions because I allowed myself to get too busy.

Finally, there was an audition for a play at my school that I thought I was completely ready for, but in reality, I was not. I forget my monologue during the audition and I had a few other flops. Needless to say, it was my worst audition experience and I knew I could do better. With everything, I knew I could do better. The stress turned me into someone I was not and I wanted to start over. But how?

Then it hit me.

The gap year idea that was swimming in my head prior to these moments seemed a lot more tangible as the year went on. I realized that it was what I needed more than anything between the stress, the acting, and so many others things. I've always been passionate about going to college and I can't wait for that summer to shop for my dorm, meet my roommate, and go to my first classes. To be involved in intelligent conversation with my peers in class, and make new friends. But I knew it was not the time to have that 4-year college experience yet. I spent my entire high school career focusing on grades and activities that I neglected my dream. When I did my first musical in middle school that was when I decided I wanted to be a professional actor for my career and that I would major in musical theatre. That not so good audition awakened my passion for theatre and was the final push for me to decide to take the year off. I realized that I want to get better at this acting thing, that I wanted to take it more seriously and dedicate time and money to it full time.

And so around May, it was all over and I got my decisions; a mixture of acceptances and rejections. When It was time to tell the colleges that accepted me that my decision was to not go to their school I was reluctant. It meant scholarship money lost and my spot in the musical theater program would be gone as well. It seemed foolish to say goodbye to these things. But I couldn't say yes because I knew that was not the right thing to do. When I finally told them my answer I felt a peaceful, blooming feeling in my body, and a smile broke out on my face. I knew I made the right decision.

So that's my story! I'm taking a gap year to pursue acting and really I'm focused on growing as a person and in my relationships. I'll post a more thorough explanation of what I plan to do. Overall, I have learned throughout this process that you can't compare yourself to other people. You might not get a 31 on your ACT like your friend, or get accepted into your dream school, but you're on your own journey and God may have something different planned for you. I'm ready to partake in this adventure before me and I can't wait to see where it takes me.

Thanks for reading!
Sincerely,

Shaheen